Hello john carcerano psych counselor (caristancleaners),

You have received a message from another user!

From:xx

Subject: thank you

Message: I will write more later about circumstances, but I thought I would go back and give a simplified answer of why I wanted to cry yesterday. I have never met someone so in touch with himself.

The way you can talk about your strengths with such conviction and honesty, without sounding the least bit cocky is amazing. I also don't know anyone else who could share their pain with a stranger the way that you have.

This has meant more to me than any advice you could give. I has taught me that you can give alot, but still retain part of yourself. I think when I was high all the time, it made it easier for me to deal with one thing at a time and not become overwhelmed. It also helped me feel detached from the problems.

Its harder now that I am clean, and I think I have built up a wall to protect myself. I can ignore the pain and negativity for quite a while. Then, what usually gets to me is when I see goodness. When I see someone else give freely of themself without expecting anything in return.

In real life, in touching emails, even in the poem that you sent. That's when I tend to fall apart, and allow myself to feel. So, thank you making me cry... :)

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Subject: Violent thoughs, etc...
Message: Thank you for responding to me. I really appreciate it. As far as obsessions/compulsions go, I have a counting pattern that I have to follow when I do just about everything. I do things in even numbers. Preferably in multiples of 4. If I end something in an odd number, I do everything in my power to either redo that action, or make things even. I'm a complete spazz about if my door is locked. I can lock my door multiple times, and then check the handle multiple times to ensure that it is locked, but once I have left the general area of my door, I tend to freak out and have to go back and make sure my door is locked. I attend university, and have made it outside the door to my classroom and had to turn back to make sure that I locked my door. This also happens while I'm lying in bed at night. Many times, if I touch something once, I'll have to repeat the action to make it even or I'll have to make it even on one side, and then repeat the action all over again on the other side. I'm extremely worried about hygiene issues. I spend a huge chunk of my day ensuring that I do not smell funny in the slightest...even though I am fully aware that I don't. Sometimes I just get so worried and anxious about that things that I don't know what to do. I lie in bed and shake and rock back and forth all day/night because I don't know what to do. I can't even go places without worrying that I might get in an accident or that someone I care about is going to.